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Vulnerability Signifies Value

“You wouldn’t be vulnerable if you weren’t valuable.” Steven Furtick

Thursday was a bad day.
I woke tired and cranky and yipped at Jason when he asked if I’d sent in our RSVP for an upcoming dinner.
Poor guy.
Had he used the word “Babe” before his question, I irrationally explained, then I wouldn’t have taken his inquiry like I dropped the ball again.
His face scrunched up kind of funny, and that’s when I realized it.
“Ah, man. My hormones are wacky again. I’m just emotional.” I dropped my head and the waterworks started.
Jason held me while I blubbered out my blames on exhaustion from running around to karate/baseball/homeschool co-op business with the kids and our recent stack of medical bills from my month-long stint in and out of the ER/Urgent Care/doctor’s offices and CT scans.
My laundry lists of stuff packed inside my brain tumbled out.
He reassured me, like always, that everything would be okay, God is in control.
So I kissed him off to work.
By Asher’s baseball practice eight hours later, I was still sulking. In my van while my other kiddos climbed on the playground in front of me, I grabbed a pen and journaled my prayers to God:
“This will not be a happy entry. Man, how many women around the world feel like me? I’m tired—foggy cranky—so cranky—and very little has made me happy—which stinks—I have so much to be thankful for…”
I went on to list the icky things surrounding our current situation.
(One day I’ll blog about this.)
But let’s just say I had a stinky suspicion that all the stuff I was blaming was simply a distraction, and I believe the enemy’s tool of choice to discourage me.
You see, I’d been praying about whether God is calling me to write a devotional for newly diagnosed patients. Last Sunday I even wrote on a prayer card at church that I think His nudges are getting more forceful.
Only, I’m running from the project—making excuse after excuse of why this is a not-so-good idea. Yet, I have journals scrawled with scriptures that helped me while I was sick. A gift like an easy-to-read devo would have meant the world to my fear-filled soul so many years ago.
When I get this way—all mopey—I know the second thing I need is a voice of reason from an uplifting message.
Isn’t it just like God that I stumbled upon a sermon from Steven Furtick about our vulnerabilities? Here’s a summation of what I heard:

  • If your life is under attack, that means you must be carrying something good inside
  • If you didn’t have anything good inside of you, you’d be left alone
  • The thing that makes you valuable also makes you vulnerable
  • The next time you feel under attack, recognize it for what it is. It is a compliment pointing toward the deposit that God has placed inside of you
  • It means that you’ve got something that God is trying to work out in your life
  • The fact that you struggle is not a sign that you’re worthless and useless to God, it’s a sign that you’re so worthwhile and valuable to God, that there’s an enemy that opposes you
  • When you have a “good deposit” like Timothy* did, you have to be on your guard
  • The sign that you want to quit is a sign that the opportunity is more valuable than you know
  • If you constantly doubt that ability—your self-doubt is a sign that this is larger than you understand at the time
  • Guard that good deposit

*2 Timothy 1:14, “Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.”
Did anyone else’s hear a whisper while reading his wisdom? Of course what Pastor Furtick is saying is true. When we are about to step out in faith and possibly do something great for the kingdom—the arrows start flying.
Self-doubt is my worst enemy.
Praise God we serve a Lord who specializes in a whispering Spirit who sends encouragement to us when we need it the most; through my husband, prayer, a message, His Word, uplifting songs.
Am I alone in this? Has God put something on your heart to pursue, but you’re struggling with self-doubt? What “good deposit” has God told you to guard?
Maybe you’re feeling a little down yourself. If so, here’s my third tactic: Upbeat music. Click the links below and crank up the volume. Jamie Grace Mandisa Kerrie Roberts
“You know it’s not living when you’re always thinking of the worst that can happen.” 


  • Beth Coulton

    I love this, and I have been reading a lot about this lately, along the lines of “Fear is the definite sign that you should KEEP GOING…that you are doing something right.” Just like you, I too run from a project when I sense that God is calling me to do something bigger, better, deeper than myself.
    I recently got put into a bigger position at work. Altho it’s just temporary (I’m doing it while someone is out on medical leave but will return) it gives me an “out”…”Oh good, I’m too busy now, no time to write, so I won’t even worry about trying to fit that in to my day…” It’s an excuse. A reason to run. Somehow I’m finding an extra hour in my day for these new work responsibilities, but I could never find an extra hour in my day to blog or start on a book that I’ve felt the nudges to write.
    Thank you for writing what you wrote above. You are NOT alone. Most of us mope around and get cranky when we feel called, because it means emptying ourselves of what’s really in us, and it also means making ourselves vulnerable to rejection, criticism, and our own self-defeating attitudes if our product doesn’t come out as perfect as we’d like.
    As you can probably tell, I could go on and on about this subject, as it’s been the theme song of my daily life for a couple of years now. So I’m here to tell you to push through the crankies and write that devotional! The minute I read what you were thinking of writing, I thought “Oh my gosh, how needed that is in our world!!!” That’s the item that those of us who don’t know what to say to our newly diagnosed friend or sister or coworker can use to put in their hands as a way of saying “I love you and am so sorry this has happened. Here’s hope.”
    Looking forward to buying a copy when it comes out…

    • dabneyhedegard

      I think I just need to reread what you’ve read over and over again. We all need encouragement. Thank you for your words!

  • Rachel Godin

    I LOVE this! You know that God has put something on my heart, but I am the queen of excuses, it seems, but only for this one thing. God is so amazing and so powerful, and so patient that He waits on us, all the while gently encouraging us to just listen to His plans. The part that stuck out to me is: “If your life is under attack, that means you must be carrying something good inside.” I’ve never, ever looked at this way. And when you look at God’s nudges from this perspective, it makes you doubt your resistance.
    Along those same lines: “The fact that you struggle is not a sign that you’re worthless and useless to God, it’s a sign that you’re so worthwhile and valuable to God, that there’s an enemy that opposes you.” This is so true, but the wonderful thing is that God is bigger than the enemy, and He is bigger than any doubt or excuses that we conjure up.

    • dabneyhedegard

      You are worthwhile and valuable! And, God put me in your life to bug you so neither of us can make excuses anymore. 🙂 But it’s easier to come up with a reason why something isn’t a good idea, isn’t it? Ugh. So thankful God puts people in our path to nudge us on.

  • Paige

    You are amazing Dabney. Every time I see you I see a put together, adorable, sweet yet strong woman!! It is hard to believe you EVER have self doubt. You should not b/c your story is AMAZING and you have great things to say! You have great encouragement to give. So buck up buttercup! And if you need a kick – call me, I’ll help you! You are gorgeous inside and out. Plus you have that rockin’ PINK bag! 😉 xoxo

  • cottageonstrawberry

    I think the more a person suffers the more they have to share and comfort others … you have poured your heart out Dabney … vulnerable, hurting, crying tears seen and unseen, and yet with such compassion. So wonderful to know that you have a husband who loves you so. Thank you so much for posting Steven Furtick’s message. Very encouraging and thought-provoking. Truth …
    Sometimes one feels like they are in a glass bottle looking outward at the world just passing by … God bless.

    • dabneyhedegard

      I know that glass-bottle feeling. And you’re right. The more we suffer the more we have learned what ways would comfort someone going through a similar circumstance. God is so good to use our experiences to help others. Makes me so thankful I’m a Christian.

    • dabneyhedegard

      Isn’t that the truth? When you hear a message that speaks to your heart when you need it most, that’s when you know it’s God. Awesome.

  • Unshakable Hope

    Excellent post, Dabney! I needed this; I too struggle with self-doubt (among other things:-)
    BTW; I love the idea of you writing a devotional for newly diagnosed patients. As you know, it’s so important to get focused on hope and healing as soon (after diagnosis) as possible. If you get off-track (into depression and “why me…?”) early, it’s really difficult to get refocused; it’s like a black hole that sucks you in.

    • dabneyhedegard

      It is soooo important to focus on hope and healing!!!! You’re right. That black hole has opened up underneath me before. Praise God for His goodness and word that can transform our minds. That’s why sites like yours are so important.
      As always, it’s good to hear from you. Please tell your wife I said hello. 🙂

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