My Hidden Secret…


Photo Credit: Navy Blue Stripes via Flickr creative commons


{Warning. The second half of this post is intended for those 18 and older. For my  younger followers, please skip this hidden secret I had hoped to keep under wraps a little longer.}


Cara Luecht works as an English Instructor for Madison College.

Today, I’m jumping on board of a *My Writing Process Blog Tour*, which my friend, Cara Leucht (she’s pictured on the left), invited me to join.
What’s a blog tour? I’m glad you asked.
Writers are often questioned how their books were created, so this tour is a chance to meet new authors, as well as learn how we think up ideas, and chase little words around our brain until they end up on paper.
Thanks for including me, Cara! To learn a little more about her and her debut novel, Soul Painter, click here.
Now to continue on with the tour, here’s a little about my personal writing process.
1) What am I currently working on?
Some of you already know my next project is a 90-Day Devotional for the Newly Diagnosed from a Professional Patient, however, I do have a second project I’ve only shared with a select group of friends and this will be the main focus of this Q&A, because I feel it needs a little more explanation.
{Ahem, here goes nothin’ or everythin’.}
Uh, this wasn’t exactly the way I envisioned letting the Siamese out of the bag. For the record, this is…
and crazy
and the last book I ever imagined writing.
With all the disclaimers aside, it’s time to announce my next book project {eek!}:

Blush; Intimacy secrets every Christian craves, but is afraid to Google*

It’s true.
I’m writing a good ol’ hanky panky book, the one I wished I would have received the night of my bridal shower or wedding night or heck, let’s be honest—even five years into marriage because the Christian dichotomy on this subject looks a little something like this:

“Don’t have sex before marriage…then, on your wedding night, morph into a sex goddess for your husband,

complete with Olympic acrobatic finesse, all the while looking scrumptiously perfect, with Victoria’s Secret coiffed hair,

and then engage in all the fun you want!”

Women are given an impossible task. And they put ridiculous expectations on themselves.
But, what if we had a girlfriend come along and teach us some secrets to spice things up? This is how my idea for a how-to guide for conservative ladies, with a couple of easy-to-read chapters for guys, was born.
The funny thing is, the more I mention this subject to friends (and strangers), the more I hear of honeymoon blunders most brides would rather erase from their memory. Some are funny, some downright embarrassing, but all are stories we can learn from, and would make a fun jumping off point for the beginning of the book (and yes, I’ll be soliciting honeymoon stories from anyone willing to divulge the goods).
Let’s face it. Not many Christian married couples feel comfortable talking about s-e-x in front of others.
Oh, sure, their wives will pull me aside and ask questions after one of our Sunday morning marriage classes, but rarely is someone as forthcoming as they are when surrounded by their close knit group of girlfriends. What if we ladies all pooled our insights together and had one big share session?
(All the guys should be nodding their heads at this point.)
Most women want an awakening in this area, but are afraid to Google it. We don’t want to see grotesque images of some perfectly proportioned girl doing the things we might not feel comfortable doing. But, we do want permission to know the insider secrets without feeling {ahem} uncomfortable.
We want to blush. Really, really blush when we see our man across the room because we’re constantly mixing things up like never before.
Well, after 19 years of marriage, four children, 1900697_828827997133578_918234123_oand enrolling in 10 or so marriage courses together with my spouse, my husband and I have learned a thing or two about the topic.


Madison (almost 15) and mom, clinging to Dad. {Watch out boys. This one’s a daddy’s girl.}

Add to that three daughters (one of which is about to turn 15, yikes!) and the desire to spare them the train wreck experience we endured our first few years of marriage, you can see why I’d be passionate about providing well-researched, easy to read material to pass around.
This book will feature some personal stories (you’ll never know which is ours) as well as many of my friend’s findings (written under a pseudonym) of what worked to rev things up and little funnies that bombed big time.
I’m in the process of reading and assigning books on the subject to friends, both secular and Christian. In addition to this research, I plan on sending out anonymous polls to those willing to participate and offer candid feedback.
{Let me know if you’d like to chime in the poll or test out some of the tactics I’ve stumbled upon—no names will be disclosed, and in the future I plan on starting a second blog solely for this topic. Email me if interested:}
2) How does my work differ from others in the genre?
Most of the Christian books I’ve read on this subject are written by doctors or counselors—which is wonderful and an important jumping off point—except I need them to bring the conversation down to my level, and add in some humor! Shoot straight; tell me in a fun way what to do without all the dancing around or using technical terms.
I’m a get-to-the-point kind of gal. 😉
Blush will be more of a playful guide for spouses to read together. Written in a blog-style format, the hope is that couples who may not typically pick up a book on intimacy—maybe because of their upbringing—would feel less intimidated to dive in and explore this material.
Since this book will be based on my girlfriends’ findings from other books and blogs, plus their personal success stories on what’s working—this how-to guide should get newlyweds started on better footing than most of us did—or improve marriages that need a little help in this area. It took many of my friends years to even become comfortable with their bodies, let alone open up with their hubby about their lack of desire (or for some, increased desire), and what was and wasn’t working.
There are many things we’ve all learned over the years—tips I had no idea about until my girlfriends opened up about what was working for them. Had I had these tidbits sooner, my marriage would have been all the better for it.
3)     Why do I write what I do?
My memoir was a no-brainer. God would not take the idea away and He kept sending pesky friends and strangers to ask me about how the project was coming. I needed the pressure, and the reminder that His miracles should be documented for those struggling with their difficult situations.
The 90-day Devotional falls into this same category.
Blush, on the other hand, is a book I’ve been quietly tinkering with for over a year. Each time I consider dropping the project, I somehow end up at a girlfriends 40th birthday bash or Bunko nights were the conversation gravitates towards the subject. The second I share some ideas, most woman in the group offer their lessons-learned and continue to prod further about how the research is coming. The silent ones typically email me later and thank me for opening up a discussion they felt too uncomfortable to talk about. I even had one girlfriend who said she could go years without having intimacy again. Two months after our candid musings, she confided that she and her husband are having oodles of fun.
What changed?
Her mindset, plus a few tips.
So, why am I writing this? Because I wish I would have had a book, written by a girlfriend, to spell some things out. I was too embarrassed to ask, and I certainly was not going to go searching on my own the first few years of marriage. Had someone handed me a non-offensive guide titled Blush weeks into my marriage, I would have eagerly thumbed through for help.
4. How does your writing process work?
Total randomness.
I write typically after my morning devotions. Waking at 5:00 a.m. is the best time for me to type away, but sometimes God wakes me at 3:00 and I can’t seem to fall back to sleep. Those appointments are my most fruitful. With four kids at home, writing is not my first priority. So I steal moments when I can, sometimes that’s just jotting a note down on the back of an old receipt while sitting at a stop light. For now, I’ll take it. One day I hope to have more time to devote to the craft.
So, that’s my hidden secret about what I’m doing these days. If you have book suggestions for me to read on this subject, pretty please comment below!
*Other working titles:

Blush; Sex secrets every conservative craves, but is afraid of Googling.


Blush; A good girl’s guide to spicy secrets


{Whatever fabulous title my blog followers help me think up}


Erin McPherson and beautiful family.

Next week, hop on over to the next tour where you’ll learn about Erin MacPherson.
She’s written four parenting books for Thomas Nelson, and was the former staff writer and editor for Nickelodeon.
Erin entertains parents on her blog as well as through freelance magazine articles, devotionals and speaking.
To learn more about her books, click on the images below.

A little more about Cara:

Cara Luecht graduated Summa cum Laude with a B.A. in English Literature from the University of Wisconsin and an M.F.A. in Creative Writing from Fairleigh Dickinson University. Her debut novel, Soul Painter, released March 15, 2014.soul painter

 And her book…Soul Painter
Miriam paints the future…but can she change it?
Chicago, 1891
Miriam watches the people jostle their way below the windows of her warehouse home, never thinking to look up at her as she paints their faces. But Miriam’s gift as an artist goes beyond a mere recording of what is: Miriam paints their futures.
Only once was she wrong.
One woman doesn’t match the future Miriam saw. The bright girl was supposed to grow into a respected businesswoman. Instead, Ione disappears nightly into the shadowed alley next to the cathedral with the other prostitutes.
Then one night, while walking through the city fog, Miriam finds Ione broken and beaten. Miriam is forced to open her home to the stranger whose face she knows so well and open her life to change she never could have foretold.
Women are missing some found floating in the river, some never seen again.
The deacon from the cathedral is the first to help. Soon Miriam s solicitor, Michael, aids her in rejoining society so they might uncover the evil at work in the corrupt city…and awakens feelings she had never considered before. Finally engaged with the world she has so long observed, finally stirred by love and friendship, Miriam realizes the responsibility of her gifting. No longer can she just paint what will be. She must now help Ione find the future she is meant to have…and find her own along with it.

  1. Dawn rofrano says:

    Love the tour concept! I value who you suggest to read! Also so excited to share in the blushing truth!!! No more secrets! Thank you for being brave enough to tackle a very needed topic!

    • dabneyhedegard says:

      I’d enjoy another outing with all the girls to dive into this topic again! I had so much fun with you ladies during our weekend getaway!!

  2. laurabennet says:

    Great idea, Dabney! “Blush” sounds like it will be a fantastic help for women. You asked for books that may touch on this subject. I have “The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex” by Shelia Gregoire. I’m totally in for polls and such…

    • dabneyhedegard says:

      Awesome, Laura! I’ll add you to the list. Woohoo. And thanks for the book suggestion!! 🙂

      • kim casteel says:

        I like from dawn “the blushing truth” as a title… Have u looked at real marriage by mark and grace Driscoll? This should be a fun read!! Can’t wait!!

        • dabneyhedegard says:

          Ooooh, I love the title “The Blushing Truth”! Thanks!!! And I have read and taken Driscoll’s book/course Real Marriage. He spells it out clearly–that’s what I appreciate most about his message. 🙂

          • kim says:

            yes that he does! but that really is what we need… the honest truth. the Bible certainly doesn’t hold back… this is gonna be fun! 🙂

  3. I love the book idea! My mom always said she wished she had a book in those early years of marriage, so when each of her children got married, guess what we received?!?! A book on sex–but from a secular perspective, because she couldn’t find anything from a Christian perspective. For a blushing bride, the book was very uncomfortable to read, so I never did. Now, almost thirteen years into marriage, I’ve learned a few things–but would still love to know more. Please include me on the survey list. I’d love to be helpful.


  5. Anonymous says:

    Love this idea! Yay! Praying for you. I’d be happy to help with polls.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: