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Search Me {And Surgery Update}

Kim Seng via Flickr CC
{Photo: Kim Seng via Flickr CC}

I’ll never forget the day I learned my cancer had returned. Standing in the kitchen, I gripped the phone as my oncologist shared the news. My knees gave out, and I slid to the floor. Deep from within, moans I’d never heard before bellowed out. Shock, fear, and then anger set in as I shouted to God two words: “Why me?”

What had I done to deserve this? Looking back, I now see that God had a plan, one which included a great deal of earthly pain on my part, but would eventually turn into back-to-back miracles on His. His plan, the best plan, would slowly unfold over the years and point hundreds of people to Christ.
And isn’t that the greater goal?
Even in my weakest moments, when my fleshly fear winds me tighter than I’d like to admit, the Bible says He sees and knows my needs even before I cry them out. That’s why He sends a Helper, the Holy Spirit, to search our hearts and pray on our behalf. He is constantly looking for a way to comfort us and draw us closer to Him.
His ways are not my ways, even though in my mind I believe I have the superior plan, one that usually requires minimal discomfort. But sometimes the greatest spiritual growth occurs when the pain runs deep and tears flow unendingly and I am so emotionally wounded that the only place I can look is up. And usually that’s where His glory is revealed—in the complete surrender of my will.
The Bible describes God as being the potter, and me the clay. He’s searching for those imperfections. His desire as a Creator is to smooth out the bumps and form me into the follower He wants me to be. This requires close inspection on His part, and faith on mine. All of which are beautiful steps in our walk with Him. He is molding us, making us a better version of ourselves. We just can’t see the potential masterpiece from our point of view.
God knows our heart, our dedication, and even our limitations. He’s constantly looking for ways to refine and free us from our anxious thoughts. And to show us that He’s got this, especially the scary stuff of life.

“And He Who searches the hearts of men knows what is in the mind of the [Holy] Spirit [what His intent is], because the Spirit intercedes and pleads [before God] in behalf of the saints according to and in harmony with God’s will.”—Romans 8:27 (AMP)

DIG: Is there an area of your life where you feel God is refining you spiritually?
DISCOVER: How do the words of today’s Scripture speak to you specifically? What is God saying to you?
DISPLAY: Each day this week search for Bible verses about the Holy Spirit.

{I wrote this devotional for Calvary Ft. Lauderdale’s DailyDevo about a month before I knew I would need open heart surgery. Funny how God whispers His reminders just when I need them most.

Praising Him today for His loving kindness. I hope this devotional touches you in some way. God bless!}

~~~Update on Open Heart Surgery~~~

For those who asked how they could help in some way:

1) First and foremost, I’d really, really appreciate your prayers. I’ve been more fatigued than usual lately. I think this may be due to the fact that I’m not downing espressos left and right. Miss those. But, I feel guilty resting…like I’m coasting through my days just waiting for my energy to suddenly reappear. Right now I need a mental shift in my thinking. I need to remember that today  matters, the kids matter, my hubby matters…regardless of how I’m feeling. I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and praise God for what I do have: a loving family and the ability to rest…even if my stubborn body doesn’t want to. 😉

2) Please pray about my medical journey. Recently (meaning yesterday 6/4/2015), I felt this sudden urge to switch my local cardiologist. As you can imagine, this sets me back for the two man tests I need to have done (TEE [internal echo of my heart] and Cardiac Cath test) before I can travel to New York. And when my testing gets pushed back, so does my surgery date. As of now, it looks like my procedure will take place in July. Please pray for God’s wisdom to devinely guide me and my family during this time. I know this is the right move. I had too many red flags flying everywhere…and as any patient will tell you, these days you HAVE to be your own health advocate. Don’t settle. If something inside doesn’t sit right about your current physcian, seek a second opinion. Pray, pray, pray. And then go with your gut. I feel more at peace now with my decision to swtich. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

3) Thirdly, (and please do not feel pressured at ALL), my big sis set up a gofundme account to help offset the many medical expenses coming my way. Please know that I’ve never made money on any of my blog posts. I don’t advertise of use affiliate links. My heart is always to bless those who take the time to read…so I hope this mention will not deter you in any way from these posts. I promise not to turn this into some campaign.

Thanks for listening to me ramble, but more importantly, thank you for your prayers and emotional support. You have no idea how much they mean to me.

Praising God for you all,




  • Alicia

    You are one amazing Christ following, God filled woman! It is a joy to call you my friend. I can not wrap my mind around your situation, for I have never walked in your shoes. But what I do know is He created you in His image and what an incredible display of beauty and grace you are. Out of you He flows into the lives of others that are blessed enough to know you. I am going to love you with my heart and soul and commit to praying for you daily. I will lift you up because He calls us to carry each others burdens.
    Ann Voscamp says:
    Lord, people we love facing really hard things, financial situations seeming rather fragile, things up ahead looking pretty unknown but You whisper it to us:
    “Love punches fear out.
    Love just goes ahead & casts out all fear — kicks fear right to the curb.
    Love fills a room, fills up the whole of a heart — and pushes fear right out.
    Full-blown love — flat-out evicts fear. Full stop.
    Bottom line? *We get to be fearless when we let ourselves live loved.* So that’s it —tonight we’ll count all the ways You love us —
    *And blow fear right out of this place.*
    Yeah — Fear could keep us up all night…
    but it is our Father who can keep us above the waves —
    *and His arms are the very best pillow.*
    During this time of rest/restlessness I pray for overwhelming love, discernment, wisdom, clarity, courage and peace “the peace of God, which passeth all understanding” (Phil 4:7). I pray you are drenched in our Father’s love so that there is no sight of fear, uncertainty or confusion.
    Nothing is impossible for You God and we ask for healing of this precious child of yours in Jesus Name! I love you and I pray you hear His whisper while you are resting. God Speed
    Love, Alicia

  • Nicole

    Dabney, it’s been so many years since PBA and yet I feel as though I’ve kept in touch since reading your blog. You, your family and your faith are so encouraging and I’m believing for another miracle on your behalf. I know our God heals and uses all things for good, so I cannot wait to see the hundreds of other lives that are impacted for His Kingdom because of you! Praying for your family.

    • dabneyhedegard

      Yes He does! Thank you for these kind words of encouragement. And thank you so very much for your prayers!! So good to hear from you. 🙂

  • Cheryl Plourde

    Love you friend. It’s been a blessing and a joy to be a part of your life.
    We are praying for you and know that God will lead you through every single detail.
    Thank you for sharing your faith and your story for God’s glory.
    Love you to the moon and back. Big hugs.

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