Sadly, the blog post I’d written about, “The Day I Went Crazy” will have to wait a week or two since life has become a funny roller coaster for the last eight days. Just when things seemed to calm down, a scary dip gripped my heart and I’m bracing for dear life.
Or, I was.
It’s hard to embrace peace when you physically feel discomfort in your body. The sensation of a butter knife jammed in my middle left rib mimics a pain I felt 16 years ago when my C had returned. Back then, I was diagnosed with a pleural effusion, where fluid had accumulated around my lungs. Somehow, cancer causes this reaction, almost like your body is telling you something is wrong. So now that this dull pressure has returned, my mind immediately presses rewind and tears pool as I try to write off the oddity.
Mind you, many things can cause this, like:
- Remaining fluids from a sickness, like the upper respiratory infection I fought a month ago. My lungs are a mess and may simply require another round of antibiotics to lessen the gathered fluid.
- Or, maybe it’s a result of too much salt I take to treat POTS (a condition where I have low blood pressure, and a high heart rate.) Years ago, my cardiologist had suggested I eat olives and pickles to increase my 90/60 blood pressure rate since this is abnormally low. Only, during the hot summer months in South Florida, I need extra salt to keep me from dragging or fainting when my numbers dip. That’s when I stumbled upon SaltStick chews. I’ll blog about this one day, but basically, added salt also increases water retention, which may cause fluid on my lungs. (This is a Dabney-guess, meaning there is little scientific proof to back this theory.)
- Lastly, and you probably know where I’m going with this, cancer causes pleural effusions. But then again, so do blood clots (had those), and heart failure (that, too). Could this be the extra fluid on my lungs?
Good night! Where is Dr. House when you need him.
The bottom line is I need a CT scan, but I don’t want a CT scan. Actually, if I could go the rest of my life and never need to squeeze my body through another radioactive tube, I’d be the happiest person alive. My oncologist jokes that I’ve had so many scans, I should be glowing by now (good thing he’s got a sense of humor, right? ; ).
Honestly, as annoying as these tests are, I know the truth. I praise God that we live in a country where testing is readily available.
Jason and Maddie just returned from Haiti where there is essentially little to no medical care. 🙁
So right now, I’m leaning on the Great Physician.
But if this pressure doesn’t go away by next Wednesday (August 9, 2017), I’m scheduling a scan or I’ll drive myself batty. Ok. And my husband and family and girlfriends, too. 😉
Last Wednesday this pain began, and the good news is that each day the intensity has lessened.
That’s good, right?
I’m not going to lie. Fear steals my joy more than anything else. But not today.
Today I have given it to God, asked friends to pray, and now I’m asking for prayer.
And then I’m letting go.
Each of us gets the same 24 hours, and I’m done wasting time worrying. I’ve fallen for this trap too often.
I’m loving on my kids, and my sweet hubby, and thanking God that I’m still kicking, even if I moan here or there. ; )
Today I’m playing my favorite song, No Longer Slaves and reminding myself not to be anxious about anything, but in everything, pray with a thankful heart and ask God for help. That’s when the peace of God will transcend anything I could ever understand, and His peace will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus (based off of Philippians 4:6&7).
Anyone else need this reminder today? I’d love to pray for you, too. That’s what community is all about!
PS Did I mention that I’ve started writing my 90 Day Devotional for the Newly Diagnosed, From a Professional Patient? Hmmm. Feels like someone doesn’t like this and he’s trying every which way to slow me down. Not today. This just makes me want to write more. Believe more. And fight…more.